I would like to call you and see how everyone is doing, but I don't want to upset you or cross any boundaries you have set in place. If it is okay that I call, please let me know when it would be a good time.Love and miss you,Mom"
I have been thinking of the best way to answer you without getting upset. I don't really want to go back and forth in an email argument or anything and don't want to say anything that would initiate that.
This is not at all what I want. I had hoped to talk to you in person about some personal things going on in my life, but I'm not comfortable doing that via email, facebook or over the phone. So that leaves me begging my mother to visit her. That is a very painful thing to have to do... particularly when I am always rejected.
You have made your privacy a priority, and that is 100% your right and option. However, it does negatively impact our relationship. I am unable to read your mixed signals when I am unwelcome in your home, but you wish to talk to me over the phone. It's hard not to be offended and hurt. I feel constantly in limbo working to have a relationship with you that doesn't cross your boundaries, not mine.
It's really an unhealthy place for me to be stuck. It's uncomfortable and sad. At this point I cannot do it any longer. You have really given me a wide variety of reasons, and we have circled back to your secret project. It's been suggested to me that it's more personal, and you have hard feelings toward me. Michael and Jessica and their families shouldn't have to be punished because of something you think I've done to wrong you.
Whatever the reason, I don't feel it's in my best interest to pursue it further. You feel threatened and uncomfortable. I am hurt and left wanting. It's a no win. I am not wanting to upset you in any way.
Probably the best thing to do is leave it as it is. You have seemed to work very hard to push me a certain distance from you, and the best way I know how to respect that is to keep my distance. After several years of trying it your way, I really do not have it in me to continue at this rate. It is a constant heart break for me.
I have enough self worth to realize that this is truly unhealthy and worrisome for me. I also have genuine concerns for my son and husband, and I am at a loss as how to explain how we are not welcome at your home. It has truthfully been one of the most painful things for me to have to cope with.
I also have enough self respect that I realize I don't have to tolerate being yelled at or hung up on, and I won't continue to be treated in that manner. I understand that you like to end a conversation when you feel finished, but I am an adult and expect to be treated with respect. Any decisions that were made about boundaries were made at that point when I begged you not to hang up, but you chose to. It was very painful for me, particularly when I was calling for a reason.
If you would like to go to therapy as a family and get counseling, I would very much like that.
I would be most happy if you finished your project and allowed me to come talk to you in person. I'll wait until then, and in the mean time, I will see you as we do now at family functions. I just really need you to make the decision whether or not you want a relationship or you want your privacy. I can respect either one, but I will no longer wait in between. I want a relationship with you. I want my son to know you and to feel welcome. If those are things you want, then we can work on them. If those things make you uncomfortable or if they are too intrusive for you, I can respect that as well. Really, it is your decision where we go from here."